hi. I hope this letter finds you well. it’s probably been a while since we’ve last spoken. maybe we’ve hardly even spoken at all. regardless of how our paths have crossed or how well we’ve known each other, I hope that you’re finding some goodness in the midst of whatever is going on in your life right now. I know that this is a little strange - people don’t write letters that much anymore - but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I wanted to write to let you know that, amongst many other things, you have been in my thoughts.
this year has been weird for everyone (and I’m sure you’re sick of hearing these words by now). I’ve been lucky to have been safe and surrounded by care through the chaos. unlike so many of you, my life has slowed down during this crazy time. in the midst of my studies and other distractions my mind has wandered, and as a result I’ve stumbled into a handful of realisations about the world and myself that I’ve found quite confronting. this is why I wanted to write to you.
uncertainty has led me to question a lot of things lately. in my confusion of who and what I’m meant to be I’ve looked back at the people I’ve known and realised it’s likely I’ll never see most of them again. though I know it’s no more than a natural part of life, the impermanence of everything scares me. I ask myself all these questions that seem to get me nowhere. do paths cross for nothing? does it all happen just to be forgotten with time? so many cherished friendships and times in my life seem to have expired, yet it feels wrong to ignore their passing without honouring the gifts they’ve given. if you’re reading this, I’m lucky enough to know or have known you in the past. before time gets in the way, I want to thank you for whatever role you’ve played in my story, however brief or distant. I’m aware that growth and change are good things, though I feel uncomfortable with the expectation that I should move on without ever acknowledging what has mattered to me.
I think often of the impermanence of everything in my life. it’s all so fragile. with this in mind I recognise change as one of the few constants we can count on, as people slip in and out of each other’s stories. I’m unsure of how to make sense of it, and I still lose sleep over my fear of forgetting all that once mattered. I miss many of the friends I’ve lost to time and distance. some of you have known me for longer than you might have liked. though I’m still in touch with some of you right now, I can’t see into the future, and I know how cruel time can be. I also know that it’s not just time: people change and grow, and in doing so choose to move on from their past. I might’ve offended or burdened you. perhaps our paths crossed at the wrong time. maybe we knew each other from a happy distance. even if I’m someone you’d rather forget, I want more than anything to wish you good luck with your story and wherever it takes you. I hope you find what you’re hoping for somewhere.
I realise this seems excessive and probably quite strange. I can’t blame you for not reading this far. but in my missing many things lately I’ve realised how strongly I feel about the past and the impossible wish that I might forever treasure all who have passed through my life and given it meaning. it’s now been a year since I flew home from a life I still miss every day. though it hurts to grow further from that time and those people each day, in my missing I realise how lucky I’ve been. despite the time and distance that sits between us, I wanted to thank you for being or slipping in and out of my life. I am who I am because of those I’ve known.
I’ve rewritten this too many times now, and I’m laughing at how dramatic it sounds. I could’ve tried to swallow the feelings and not say anything, but regret is a messy thing and my want to write to you trumped my fear of embarrassment. I can’t offer you much more than my confused words, but I hope in whatever direction your path takes you that you’re able to find some sense of peace and purpose. if it means anything to you, I’m grateful that our paths have crossed. thank you for the time you’ve given, and for being a part of my story at some point, even if our chapter is in the past now. whilst I can’t hold onto everything that’s mattered, I can try my best to remember with gratitude as I keep going.
take care, wherever you are. love always,
Dan
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