long term

today I spoke with people I trust about the future. I mentioned I had been considering finding ways to study again. in doing so I would be making a choice to commit to plans beyond a week or a month away. if I think of going back to school I think of the future beyond the end of a calendar year. the lens widens in ways I never let it. the long term feels insurmountable and impossible. I have spent so long running from the thought and refusing to see potential in my reflection. the long term project is still frightening. everything is precarious and nothing can ever be certain at the best of times. but I thought about the future today, and that’s something more than nothing.