my time is not my own. I surrender any control I could hold to the expectations of others. I hide behind them and wash my hands of responsibility for the disappointment I hold for my reflection and inability to grow into someone I want to be. the reigns are out of reach and I never stood a chance. there is always someone else to blame. I find comfort in my helplessness and ignore what I know I need to change. for every hurt and reminder of what I lack I collect excuses and build my case of victimhood. I know I’ll find my feet again sometime. maybe I’ll claim myself someday. for now I sit and watch time take. I smile because it doesn’t matter and control means nothing now.
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