all of a sudden the air is warmer and I feel the weight of the time that has passed on my shoulders. I wake weary eyed with only myself and screen to blame for the lack of sleep. I change out of pants into something lighter for the heat. the days are already stretching into the evening. when I leave work the sun is still waiting for me. I used to hate the days that would end before dinner. in winter uniform I’d dream of summer holidays and the sun on my back in the shallows. counting the sleeps til my birthday like nothing could ever matter more. I am afraid of the days I used to love.
the calendar runs like the stream now. I watch from the banks and do my best to laugh at the ambition beneath the surface. what and who I thought I could do and be: forgotten trinkets once polished for the mantel collecting algae with the stones below. on the outside I am removed. I shrug at what I see as though it always meant as little as it does now. destined for the liminal. in the mirror I fix my hair despite everything I say and think I know about what matters and doesn’t. nothing means much and I’m still keeping up.
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