diving

I dreamt I was one jump away from achieving my dreams. atop a diving podium I looked down. the pool was so far I could hardly see it. I was worried that if I jumped I might miss the pool altogether. down below, the future I wanted waited for me. but I couldn’t see and the height was too great so I ran and left without explaining myself.

in another dream I remember my cousin and his friend hiding from me at the reception of the wedding of someone we knew. I wanted to be close to his friend but couldn’t keep up with them. at some point Dad was patting the cat we used to feed the waxy rind of parmesan after lunch at our family’s house in Northern Italy. someone took interest in what I wore as I crossed the dance floor, though I remember wishing they wouldn’t. my drama teacher took me for a walk but I don’t remember where.

after work I walked to the park to see the sun before it disappeared. I tried four bookshops for a text that inspired a film I want to understand. no luck yet. Mum called and I remembered it was her father’s anniversary. she told me she loved me and I love her too.