less questions

no amount of dreading can wish away the day. it’s 25 this time round. I fill spaces in a body that has moved about for a quarter of a century, despite my feeling as capable as a twelve year old. the day that is just another day pulls me further from all that I miss and wish I still had. time slips beyond my grasp and continues to unravel. I am far from who I want to be, but I am in the company of people who show me love, and for this I must thank the world.

I try to remind myself of my own insignificance in the greater scheme of things - how inconsequential my existence truly is in the face of the unfolding cosmic mystery. celebrating a moment my breathing commenced each December doesn’t need to fill me with the dread and existential angst I seem to face every year on this day. I need to grow. I’m sure someday it will make more sense and leave less questions. <<