grief hangs heavy on December 16th. eight years have passed and still I wake to this day as a nearly-17-year-old, fragile and confused as though the accident has only just happened. I feel close to the people I used to know back then, even if I don’t know them anymore. the loss connects us still now despite time and distance.
on December 16th I give myself permission to stop and listen. I wrestle with the question of ‘why’ and am left exhausted and still no closer to an answer than I was the year before. losing Louise so suddenly was a teacher of difficult lessons. with her passing, the futility of everything emerged as an inescapable reality that continues to challenge me every day. I fold a crane and hope it might make at least a little more sense tomorrow. it never does, and still we go again.
her absence challenges me to cherish what I have while I can. I try my best for her, though I lack faith in where this is all going. there is good everywhere and I remind myself to look for it. <<
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