in the office I try to focus on the work. there is laughter and a lot of talk of weekend plans and life beyond the spreadsheets. I laugh when I should and ask the right questions, sustaining the current of content spouting from their mouths. at some point I stop making sense of the sound and it’s all empty shapes and white noise.
the murmurs underscore my afternoon. I colour columns and bridge knowledge from one place to another in a language I don’t quite understand. I miss the call I never thought would come after years of waiting. on the screen I am congratulated for verifying my humanity with the click of a button.
I listen all day and leave with nothing to say or show for where I’ve been. I try to laugh at the meaning I draw from all the wrong places, amounting to nothing at all. tomorrow I will do the same. everything is work and work is everything until it’s not and I’m home with my thoughts and the phone. before bed I’ll wake up and scream in silence at the world and the part I seem to play in the scene that makes no sense. I’ll tell myself to change, though I’m scared and far too tired. when I wake there’s another day of noise and bombs to fund with the taxes they take from my time. I am where I am for now til I’m not.
No comments:
Post a Comment