again

I keep watching the video. he’s reaching out for help from inside the building. today they’ve shared stories about him and his family; apparently they survived another massacre just last week. he was recording videos about the genocide since his displacement. in the footage he is still in his hospital bed. I watch over and over as his body is claimed by the flames again and again. there is screaming and weeping and nothing anybody can do.

I have the choice to watch or look away. at school they taught us about the man made horrors. we read about mushroom clouds and atom bombs and death camps and showers that sprayed poison on already starved bodies for burning. we learnt about the evil that massacred millions,   once justified by the masses on the basis of fear and hate. afterwards, we were taught, we looked at what had happened and swore never again. I saw again on my phone today. no doubt I’ll see it tomorrow. again is normal now. we watch or look away and nobody flinches. business as usual. I learn languages and codes that mean nothing for another day of pay and every second is tax for another cent for another weapon for another massacre my country will fund.

in the park the police remove posters for demonstrations from the street lamp. on the phone there are severed limbs and morning runs and lifeless children and new haircuts and burning schools and golden hour and politicians saying nothing. this is a nightmare and I don’t know how to want to wake up.