knots

in the heat the days absorb into each other, one heavy night to the next. a lot of time spent caught up chasing myself in circles and tripping over the knots I tie. obsessed with what I’m missing and lacking, the person I want but never can be - all despite knowing it all goes nowhere, and that even if it did, none of this matters in the face of everything else. I see footage of bombs and red carpets and crying children and golden statues and words lose any sway they once held over me.

dreams of ghosts and people I miss. days of wishing things were different, that I could be somebody else - all despite knowing how lucky I’ve been. I shake my head at my own reflection. something about gratitude and getting over whatever this is. <<