14.01

one day at a time. they roll into each other and sometimes they mean something. there’s no stopping them and a part of being here is learning to be okay with this.

I escaped to camp for the week, up here and away from home this time. strange to be doing something so familiar and sacred to me with nobody I know. I missed my people, the games and songs and the kids. a precious escape regardless. I spent down time thinking a lot about how camp shaped my adolescence and elements of the person I inhabit. I used to camp with my brothers. the thought of camp pulled me through miserable high school terms. I’d skip weeks of classes for camp in later years at university. nearly 12 years now. I seem to learn something new every time. I see how lucky I am to know the warmth of these spaces, and I relish the escape into a world where what’s important is clear and simple.

I attend the rally on Saturdays and I welcome the tears that come with the reminder that no matter my pursuit of stability or joy, the world is unkind. we chant and walk and I wish there was something more to give. something I could give up for the sake of someone who could actually need it. I struggle to rationalise the universal expectation for us all to want to participate in a world defined by such hypocrisy and hate. there are reasons to pray and at night I still do.

January 14 is a heavy day. three years now. I am still moving and being regardless of the storms and the reflection I see in the shards of memories I can’t avoid. I fold another crane. one day at a time. 

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