November

Spring gives way to Summer (in my world) tomorrow. each November seems to become more of a chaotic blur as the years roll on. I feel apprehensive about December at the best of times. anniversaries, a birthday I wish meant nothing at all, the year giving way to another I’ll face with even more confusion than the last. I should try harder to prepare for how this time makes me feel, though I know this would take caring more about myself and the long-term.

there’s a dissatisfaction in feeling as though I understand myself and this world less as time passes. it can all feel quite hopeless, and my awareness of my persistent melancholy despite just how lucky I’ve been only serves to fuel my own frustration with myself. I feel very far from the people I love. an impossible distance lies between me and the person I want to be. the clouds keep moving and so do we. <<