I should sleep now

it’s not a little hard to understand. it’s very difficult. I’ve tried making sense of it all for so long and I wonder if there’s no end to the missing or wishing things were different. that time were kinder. that distance was shorter. am I bound to this forever now?

I don’t know where we’re meant to go. I’m guessing that we’re meant to forget and move on. but I doubt I’d ever have it in me. maybe I’ll never move. I know that some things never change, despite how much we might try to make them. is this unchangeable? am I destined to spend my life missing?

I don’t think any answers exist now. I used to think I was looking in the wrong places, though at this point I doubt any explanation would satisfy. my world is far away and quiet. some days I think I mightn’t ever find a home again. I wish things were different and that I could make some kind of sense. maybe this wish is too much to ask for. << x