Paris

we arrived at 11:30pm last night to our shoebox in Montmartre. Nash managed to book us a three bed room, meaning we have a space to ourselves which is lovely. before sleeping we walked to Sacre-Cour to show Joel the view of the city.

a good sleep, with breakfast supplied by the hostel. a lot of walking today, showing Joel the tower and the arch, stopping for photos and crepes along the way.

special memories in this city with friends I miss. it’s strange to be back after so long, so many tourists despite it being near winter. it’s still the same place, though so much has happened in my life since my time here.

it’s a pretty place, and I feel lucky to share it with more people that mean a lot to me. we celebrated the clock striking midnight for Joel’s (Australian) birthday on the lawn facing the tower.

I liked this. contemporary art installations leading us from the gardens between Musee D’Orsay and the Louvre.

tired and uncertain about where I’m going. England in three days. everything moves quickly. trying to be present and appreciate my good fortune. <<

Berlin to Paris(?)

a chaotic travel day. leaving the hosrel at 7:50, boarding the first train according to schedule, with it arriving 40 minutes late - to miss our connecting train to Brussels by just 3 minutes. this delay in turn meant that we would miss our bus from Brussels to Paris, forcing us to book a new one. silly silly silly.

our unwanted stopover in Cologne was spent at the foot of the cathedral, which wasn’t the worst view to enjoy as we waiting for the next train.

I drew Joel’s blind portrait as we waited, sharing snacks we’d bought at the supermarket in the early morning.

our train to Brussels was packed, with Joel and I sitting in the foyer of one of the carriages for the first hour or so. we found our new bus in time, and if all goes to plan we’ll arrive in Paris by 10:40pm. still need to figure how we’ll make it to our accomodation, but I’m sure we’ll be fine.

journalled on the train today, and started working on some things for my future. scary commitments. a lot to digest. I’m another year older in under two months. many goals I would have liked to have accomplished years ago remain unfulfilled. this upsets me sometimes and I feel disappointed in myself. I also struggle with the idea of getting older - if you’ve been reading this for a while, you’d have known this ages ago. reminding myself it’s important to enjoy the time I have here. excited to shower and sleep. <<

Berlining

Nash and I started the day with a run. trailing along the river we stumbled into what seemed to be some gathering area of significance from Soviet days. the size of the monument was as stunning as the silence.

after breakfast (fruit and fresh pastries from the supermarket), we took the train into town, where we showed Joel landmarks - from the Brandenburg gate to the Jewish memorial. in the park we stopped to appreciate the falling autumn leaves. I called Blake - I’ve been missing him a great deal, moreso each day.

we stopped at checkpoint Charlie for some fries, before making our way to a photo gallery Nash wanted to check out. a lovely afternoon.

we packed bags for tomorrow’s journey, and after our final kebabs in Germany, bought some drinks, which we enjoyed by the water behind the east side gallery of the Berlin wall. 

the city has been kind to us, and I feel lucky to have spent such precious time here. a big day of travel tomorrow. excited for crepes. <<

‘wander round yonder’

a beautiful day with my friends. after realising some of our roommates had studied at the University of Sussex during the time of our exchange (a funny coincidence), we spent the morning making our way to the east side gallery - a colourful segment of the Berlin Wall covered in graffiti. the boys had not been there before, and it was nice to see them enjoying it as much as I did.

under Jan’s recommendation we made our way to Berlin Tempelhof - an abandoned airstrip and airport now used for recreational purposes. here we spent most of our afternoon, enjoying pastries and smoothies from a nearby ALDI.

whilst our clothes were washing back at the hostel I went for a short run. I’ve been worried about the future more, and thinking about the people I love, so the momentary distraction felt necessary. kebabs for dinner before drinks in the park, debriefing how we’ve really been managing since being together in Lewes. I think we’ve all had rough patches, and it’s nice to know that Joel and Nash still feel comfortable to be so honest with me. a special evening.

more exploring tomorrow. the company feels so much more precious than where I am, though I’m excited to experience new places with my friends. <<

Hamburg to Berlin

an early morning train to Berlin. was greeted by Nash at the station by 10 am. surreal to be in the same timezone again. we warded off his jet lag with sugar (pepernoten from Fieke’s parents still serving us well) and walking through the city. stopping in a park, Nash enjoyed a brief nap. the autumn colours were glorious.

after visiting part of the wall, we commuted to the hostel for checkin, napping until Joel arrived. a very happy reunion of hugs and ridiculous inside jokes resurrected. kebabs for dinner (with halloumi tonight), before enjoying cheap beer as we walked and sat in parks, witnessing a first kiss from afar (backlit silhouettes in the fifth floor window of an apartment block).

overjoyed to be with my friends again, and so happy for them to finally be together after so long. <<

Hamburg

a quiet day. early morning run around the lake led to a longer morning nap.

afternoon spent at Kunsthalle - the biggest gallery in Germany. a range of art spanning seven centuries. a lot to see, much of which I liked.

Monet.

depiction of Narcissus.

depiction of the anti-Narcissus.

doll boy.

Dali.

evening spent looking to the coming weeks, calling Nash before he left to board his plane from the states. evening walk to find a kebab for dinner, finishing up with a call from mum and dad before bed.

for the longest time this town was home to someone important to me who no longer lives there, and it’s felt strange being here without them. we’ve been in touch and I know they’re doing well and enjoying their new life. I’ve found so much to be thankful for since knowing them, though it does feel funny to be in the city they used to call home.

Berlin tomorrow - meeting Joel and Nash for the start of our shared journey back to Lewes. lucky to be here. <<

Würzburg to Hamburg

earlier morning for Jan and I. we shared breakfast and only very little time before we said goodbye - just for a week this time, which feels surreal after three years apart. he let me draw a blind portrait of him as we ate our muesli.

journalled on the train and listened to music. checking in at the hostel, I realised I’d accidentally booked the same place where I’d said goodbye to the french backpackers I’d met on my trip from Oslo to Germany last time. I spent the afternoon walking through the city, not knowing anybody or anything much about the place.

kebab and night walk before returning to the hostel. I’ll try to run tomorrow, and see how I feel about galleries or more exploring. missing people I love and realising I’m no closer to knowing what I’m meant to be doing than I was at the start. <<

Alex

today was also strange. two years since Alex passed away. I spent a lot of time thinking of her throughout the day - her and I were meant to be getting coffee after a long time of not hanging out, two years ago tomorrow.

a long time. it feels like quite a disconnect - since Louise things have often happened that seem to have less of an immediate impact: shock takes time, as does leaning into and recognising my feelings. I spent some time with Lily - Jan’s housemate’s cat - today, and Alex loved cats. I would’ve liked to introduce them to each other. <<

present tense

another precious day. Blake and I called when I woke, which kicked the morning off in a wonderful way. after breakfast, Jan and I walked to the Rezidens, a grand palace of sorts internationally recognised for being home to the largest fresco ceiling in the world. we weren’t allowed to take photos, but the place was pretty spectacular. Jan translated the tour for me as we moved through the building.

after exploring the surrounding gardens, we made our way through the hungover city, stores closed on most corners - enjoying the Sunday afternoon. we stopped for coffee and cake at a student cafe, before meeting Jan’s housemates by the big bridge. Zena and her friend had to take photos as part of their university assignment, so we joined them by the river as the afternoon sun made it’s gradual descent into the hills.

back home we made some pesto pasta to enjoy with our leftover stir fry from last night. taking a bottle each from the six pack we’d bought last night, we went for an evening walk. Jan showed me the path he usually takes on his solo walks as we laughed and chatted and probed ourselves with difficult questions about our hopes and dreams for the future.

on our return home we joined Jan’s housemate Ruben for a few rounds of Mario Kart on the couch. after Ruben went to bed we showed each other favourite live performances of songs we love, eventually delving into music that matters to us both. laughing and listening to each other as we told stories about a ridiculous range of things.

I’ve loved spending time with Jan, and I feel very lucky to have returned into his life to realise that our friendship is one that can still exist in the present tense. this means a lot to me. on to Hamburg tomorrow - solo for the last time in a little while. <<

Jan

I’ve missed my friend a lot, and I’m feeling very lucky to be in his company again.

we rose late this morning, enjoying a nice big German breakfast of rolls and cheese and chocolate spreads, after which Jan showed me around Würzburg. we climbed the hill up to the castle fortress, from which we could see as far as the vineyards surrounding the city.

unable to find somewhere to stop for coffee in the busy piazza, we bought some drinks from the supermarket and sat on the wall by the river, where we spent hours catching each other up on our lives. the sun shone, passing through ripples of clouds. a really precious afternoon.

after stopping for a beer to watch some soccer in the pub near the house, we bought groceries and I made us stir fry for dinner. Jan and I DJed as we chatted in the kitchen. time passed without our realising as we laughed and wondered about a ridiculous range of people and moments and possibilities.

it’s been a wonderful day I hope to remember. I’m feeling very lucky - though it’s somewhat surreal to be spending time together again. <<

Brussels to Würzburg

travel day. I journalled on the trains and listened to new music. arriving in Würzburg half an hour late, Jan waiting for me in the station. strange to be back in his company - yet so wonderful, as though three years had done nothing to our friendship.

surreal to be in the same place as each other. pasta for dinner (fancy italian restaurant) with German beer. we met up with Jan’s housemates at a very traditional German establishment, and accidentally treated ourselves to twice the servings of wine we anticipated. lots of laughter.

beyond lucky to be here with a friend I’ve missed so much. <<

Brussels

a big day. too tired to run in the morning, I ventured out to the atomium after breakfast, catching a tram. the monument exceeded expectations: I did not realise just how big it was going to be, towering over swarms of tourists. next time I’ll be organised and find the time to go inside and explore each of the orbs.

my next tram took me to the European Parliament. it’s odd to think that Belgium - so often referred to as a ‘buffer state’ by locals - is home to the capital of the EU. from here I made my way to Mont Des Arts, for another gallery afternoon.

€5 for the gallery of old masters and the Magritte museum, an absolute bargain! both impressed me in different ways. I spied old paintings I’d read about in school as I made my way through the rich history of Belgian/Western European art on show.the Magritte museum was an absolute treat, reminding me of how much I love surrealism. reading his story and seeing so much of his work - which should be appreciated as revolutionary - made me want to make art again, and I’m grateful for this.my new favourite: ‘the natural encounters’, 1945.walked to the Smurf statue because it felt like a silly thing to do.
evening walk - laps around grote markt and surrounding lanes until I was ready to treat myself fo a waffle (which did not disappoint).
leaving early tomorrow. reuniting with Jan, a dear friend I’ve missed for a long time now. making note of these happy days as reminders of how lucky I am. <<