leaving Lewes, London still

leaving Lewes was an event. this final week has been a blur of laughter and singing and dancing and tears and beers and hugs galore. we’ve had many lasts... last trip to TESCO, last pasta night, last visit to Lansdown (our favourite pub, twenty seconds down the road), last movie night, last walk around the little piece of heaven that is my rainy British town.

saying goodbye to my uni friends was bittersweet. I hosted the Timepieces gang for dinner at the lodge, and showed them my room and Lansdown. they have been so kind to me and I will miss them dearly. I also caught up with Simon, my first uni friend after whom my pot plant was named. a wonderful soul, he had been so kind to me and I have promised myself never to forget the fun times we’ve shared.

we celebrated Meredith and Vergil’s 21st birthdays with a midnight party in the kitchen, dancing and singing until we fell asleep. I treasured that night, just as I treasured our final night in the lodge. Jan, Emma and I bought takeaway from the best Thai place in town, before we all headed down to Lansdown one last time. we danced to Doin’ Time for the last time in a while. we cried and hugged and drank and went back up to 53, my room and our safe haven, and laughed the night away. I woke up at 3am face down beside Jan - apparently we’d both been snoring, which made me laugh. a fantastic night.

we went to Karafe - our favourite cafe and study spot - for our final breakfast (which meant one last milkshake for me). the goodbyes continues and the tears kept coming. after cleaning the room one final time, I wrote a letter for the next tenant, leaving it in the sock drawer for them. we caught the train, a group of us together, hugging Stacy, Eliu and Emma goodbye. we’d said goodbye to Fania, Joel, Liberty, Pach, Alex and many others. on the train we farewelled Fieke and Mat at Gatwick.

arriving in London, it was time to part ways with Jan. Jan has looked after me for three months now, and I can’t really remember how I went about things and loved each day without laughing with him. hugging Jan goodbye was hard, as was saying farewell to Nash early this morning. both have been godsends for me, and I’ll hold my memories and friendships with them both close to my heart. Lukas also left this morning, my wonderful friend who I already miss dearly. I just hugged Meredith goodbye and now feel very empty.

one more night in London with Nadia and Mike. it’s a strange feeling, people already heading home. I’m in London still. I’ve left Lewes but I’m not home yet. an inbetween that feels unnecessary but gives me time to reflect and reconnect with myself and where I am right now. my heart is full and confused and missing those I love. ‘to be alive is to be missing’ << x