Christmas

it’s just hit midnight on December 25th. Christmas. I’ve now been home just under a week, and the whirlwind has hardly stopped. reflecting and coming to terms with everything has been close to impossible, but I don’t want to sound ungrateful - my family and friends have been beyond wonderful, and it is such a treat to be spending time with them again.

I turned 21 on Friday, something I’ve been dreading for a while. another year older. time is something I continue to struggle with, and birthdays always seem to trouble me. bittersweet celebrations of progress and distancing from simpler times. my friends and family spoiled me, and I was lucky to spend time with many of those I love and hear from others I miss overseas.

I left the church as soon as mass finished tonight. the room was full of familiar faces, many friends from childhood and cousins and I guess I wasn’t ready to smile and talk, as if by putting off the hugs and welcome backs I could live as though my other life was ongoing and hadn’t ended. strange feelings. I called Nash, one of my dear friends from America today, and he seems to understand my confusion. I’m grateful for that.

I miss the lodge and I miss the people. I wish I could hug them for Christmas and every other day. I hope they know how dearly I wish I could see them << x