2019

I always find endings difficult to stomach. it’s New Year’s Eve and I’m left wondering what it all means. the adventure was unlike anything I’d ever think of, and it has stayed with me in many ways.

I still talk to my friends from that life. I look at our photos and listen to our songs and in my dreams we’re often back there in that dusty old hotel, together, as if nothing changed and our other lives continued as though they never stopped. time passes, and I’ve nearly been home a whole fortnight. I’m continually overwhelmed by my distance from that other world, in both time and geography.

we walk into a new decade. what this means for me is something I’m yet to discover. I remain grateful for all I’ve been given and continue to count myself lucky. every question and doubt I have exists for a reason and I know that one day it will start to make more sense. I miss that world and I fear the future and my hopes and many things, though I’m safe and lucky and remain thankful for this.

do I hold on forever? does living with this new lens become less frustrating? time will tell. and time passes as I type and sleep and dream and think. I’ll write back soon

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