nearly there

another big day. hoping for some sleep tonight. limbo feels funny, but it’s almost over now. nearly there. <<

Amsterdam to Paris

early morning. hugs goodbye and promises that I’ll come back. coconut macaroon courtesy of KLM onboard. it’s happening now. <<

Kröller Müller

for my last day in the Netherlands, Sietske and Fred spoiled me to a trip to the Kröller Müller museum, an hour or so from Amstelveen. parking the car on the outskirts of a national park, visitors use the white bikes provided to ride along paths paved through the forests and open fields until their reach the gallery - home to the second largest collection of Van Gough in the world. the ride was a lot of fun, and we rewarded ourselves with hot drinks at the gallery cafe before exploring.

a favourite from today.

Monet.

pretty (though I don’t remember).

Van.

Van.

the potato eaters (Van).

Van.

the decay of the sunflowers (Van).

beyond the gallery, a sculpture trail wound through the national park, which we explored in the afternoon. the sun shone for a while, and as the autumn leaves fell, the afternoon looked like a painting.

we rode the bikes to another museum about the environment of the park. on our ride back to the car, Fieke spotted some deer staring out at us from afar, completelt still. a highlight of my time here, without a doubt.

we prepared tortillas for dinner, before Fieke and I made a final trip to Albert Heijn. I packed my bags, after which we sat and watched some netflix together. hugs and bedtime. an early rise tomorrow.

unsure if I have truly processed that I am leaving yet. tomorrow will help, with the moving and the flying and the waiting. I can’t quite believe the time has come. excitement and uncertainty. a lot of gratitude too. <<

Sinterklaas

we celebrated Sinterklaas this evening. traditionally the Dutch celebrate this seasonal pastime on December 5th. Fieke’s family were kind enough to bring the date forward so that I might be included. this morning was spent wrapping presents and finalising poems. for each gift that is given, a poem must be written (from Sinterklaas and his helpers), which is then read out by the person receiving the gift before unwrapping it. lots of fun.

Fred and I made vegan pepernoten together, a highlight of my time in the Netherlands. before the sun set I walked to the shops to buy a frame for the drawing I’d prepared for Job’s gift. the clouds were beautiful and I thought of the incoming distance between me and the next time I’ll see so many of these people and places that mean so much to me.

Sinterklaas was good fun. Fieke and I made pancakes, which were enjoyed alongside Fred’s pea soup. I tried ginger jam which was actually really tasty. the gift giving was wonderful - dutch poems relayed back to me in English. so many kind gifts passed on to me. feeling spoiled and so lucky to have been included in such a precious family pastime.

chatted with Fred a little longer before bed. he asked me about the future for me, showing a genuine interest in my hopes and concerns. a generous, gentle person. I’ll miss his company and conversation.

mixed feelings about this week and where I’m at and currently going. trying my best to treasure what I have. <<

foggy morning

foggy morning. went for a run through Amstelveen, before calling my family. Zi has just arrived home, and it’s nice to see them all in the same room again. I called Blake on my adventure into the city to find last minute gifts for Sinterklaas tomoffow. tried a fresh stroop waffle from the market (it tasted wonderful). dinner with Fieke and Sophie, her cousin and best friend - a feast of Indian takeaways. tea with Fred and Fieke before bed. tired and ready to sleep. a good day. <<

a funny way to be

another quiet day. after sleeping in, Fieke and I walked to the shopping centre in Amstelveen to buy some Christmas gifts. we snacked on pepernoten in the afternoon until her parents returned from their weekend away. lovely to see them again and hear their stories of their time away.

I caught up with Emma for dinner. she drove all the way from Utrecht to see me. we caught up over pho and lemon iced tea, updating each other on what happened since our day together with Joel and Fieke in October. I showed her photos of the trip to Lewes, answering her questions about how everyone was travelling, what it was like to go back, how it felt … we enjoyed hot chocolates after dinner, talking about the future and when we might meet again.

we hugged goodbye in the foggy street. she drove away and I found it funny just how quickly we’d slipped in and out of each other’s lives again. Emma was like an older sister to me during our time in Lewes. her care for me has hardly changed - if anything, it seems to have grown with the time and distance between us. I count myself so very lucky to have found her and to know her friendship, and I just wish the distance wasn’t so great.

tea and Norwegian chocolate with the Tuinders before bed. it’s all feeling real now - the end drawing closer. thinking lots of my life here and the real world back home. I’ll always be missing people no matter where I am. what a funny way to be. <<

Viennese delights

for the archives: highlights of Schiele and Klimt from my day in Vienna.

my favourite of the day, ‘the lyricist’.

Pia absolutely serving.

‘death and life’.

‘the kiss’.

in awe. <<