dressing up

rain on tin roof over tarot card reading. I pick the cards a friend translates from the book. queen of swords ace of rods three of rods. their story is mine if I want it. I don't care enough to remember how it goes. my friend talks about a quote she can't remember from a book she hasn't read but heard someone say online. something about watching your own misery in the cinema. you are the only one there and you can choose to leave at any time. when I read her cards she oohs and aahs she believes and no doubt this will help her moving forward. maybe faith is all I need.

October ends alone in another bedroom at another party. I sit in my armour and think about you. time is twisted. your silence weighs more with every day that comes between today and when we were. I wish I saw your costume. we were going to scheme together. remember dressing up and dancing in the smoke. remember kissing in the pantry. we were lightning cataclysmic bioluminescent glowing in the dark. did we really have to stop? I wish we could go back. I wish you wanted to.