a double-edged thing

lightning doesn’t strike twice in three months it just doesn’t.

you don’t think so?

well never to me, no.

yeah but he's like you’ve seen him. you haven’t met him but he’s so magnetic.

but you know a lot of people are magnetic. I think it’s like I think a lot of my ex best friends are these crazy magnetic people, and I get so drawn into that and it like it really consumes me in these friendships.

mmm.

and then they grow well it’s not that they grow tired of you but you just grow apart a bit, and you suddenly feel like there are these crazy problems with you because you weren’t good enough for that friendship.

yes.

or well I’m obviously saying this in a friendship lens.

yeah.

but the point is it’s not that and it’s not that you aren’t good enough for them it’s a natural it’s just a growing apart thing. they grow apart from you but you also grow apart from them and because you’re so focused on the fact that it’s like well “why couldn’t I be this thing for them?” you’re ignoring the fact that they couldn’t be this thing for you either. you know what I mean? and that it wasn’t one-sided it was two-sided. you weren’t giving them what they wanted, sure, but they also weren’t giving you what you wanted but you’re able to ignore their faults because you’re able to focus on your own instead. do you know what I’m saying here?

I do know exactly what you’re saying.

I think this is making I feel like this is making perfect sense to me.

I know.

so you’re able to think “well, you know, I just, you know, he’s going through something and I wasn’t able to be there for him in the way that I should have been able to” but it’s also like he’s going through something and he’s not able to be a good enough person to be around in this moment.

yeah.

but even if it’s not a better or worse thing it is a double-edged thing.

it is reciprocal.

you know. and so maybe you’re thinking well it’s like “why doesn’t he want me?”

sure.

but it’s also like “why aren’t you giving me these things that I want?” “why aren’t you here for me?” you know “you know that I want someone to be here for me why can’t you do that for me? I need someone who’s gonna be able to do that for me."

mm.

do you know what I’m saying?