the day can never disappoint without the aid of hope. if I can breathe and want no more, today can be a friend. there is a choice to greet tomorrow with nothing but a smile: with no agenda there is freedom from believing in the clock. to surrender faith in meaning is to transcend disappointment. what can hurt me if I choose to hope for nothing?
the thought is a print of a painting I love. I’ll hang it on my bedroom wall to push me closer to the world I want to live in. it watches me work to sleep to work again. there is irony in dreaming of the choice to never dream again. through the eyes of the mirror I claw at the privilege to play with this thought of never wanting. I can watch the world and children burn and still lose more sleep for myself and my thoughts of the doors I can’t reach. the reflection is repulsive and I moisturise his face.
numbers in the calendar weigh days as though they matter. there are photos of a face I miss and dreams I should abandon. I hope to never hope again and still I wonder where you are. we walked through the city in the rain one night. I don’t know how much you remember. letting go makes sense in a world that moves on. it is easy to miss. it is safer to forget. I have loved an idea for too long. a memory is a memory is a memory.
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