patience is lost. I blame the sleep that should be longer, knowing it is up to me to change and claim the days I spend however I am told. the spiral is a snake that squirms and chokes reason breathless and the wires need rerouting but the space is never big enough to cradle more than how I am. on the phone I stalk the aisles and fall apart in the supermarket. outside the sun is swallowed by the skyline of a city I give up on every day. at the machine I scan my winnings and watch the numbers crunch to losses as the basket empties. life costs more every week but they thank me for shopping in the same voice. always leave with something I don’t need.
when I wake I haven’t dreamt and want to sleep again. one eye is heavier and less prepared for another day of being open. the other does the work to get us out of bed. I find my armour in the shower and fall into another week of circles. I find new reasons to apologise between dread and dreaming on the train.
through the office window all I see is sky. the day is a cloud I waste in ghostwritten emails somewhere safe and far from the dystopic nightmare I fuel with my taxes and watch on my phone when I want to wake up. I spill coffee on my desk but not enough for anyone to notice. the screen is a welcome escape and I lose enough of myself in the pixels to tick boxes and prove I deserve a seat at the table. tasks spawn like dead fish and I am an open net.
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