Jenae

I said goodbye to Jenae tonight. a group of us went out to drinks to wish her well on her new adventure - moving states tomorrow for her dream job. I feel a deep sense of pride for her, having had the privilege of witnessing her persevere through chaos and discomfort only to come out on top. at the same time there is an emptiness that surfaces in her absence.

Jenae has been a godsend since I came back to Sydney this year. I tried to write her a letter to articulate how grateful I’ve been for all she has done and been for me, but I quickly realised that words fail when it comes to capturing something so precious. it’s a little like Lewes really - I try time and again to tie those feelings and experiences to words, but no combination ever truly comes close fo capturing it all.

it made sense at the time. we leant into each other in the midst of our respective crises. I don’t think either of us really expected it to transform and take the life it did. we speak our own language now. time spent together is like being home, and never enough. we drink tea and eat chocolate and listen to each other. built on the foundations of vulnerability, and a complete lack of walls or filters, this friendship has blossomed into a unique moment in time: in the face of extreme uncertainty in myself and the world, I’ve found something remarkable to keep in my heart.

I think of how it felt to leave Lewes, to hug Jan or Nash or Eliu goodbye. the last tea in room 53. the closing of that chapter, a time capsule that had been so much more than I could ever have anticipated. there’s something to be said about this sentiment in the context of saying goodbye to a friend with whom I’ve accidentally created a whole world. but again, I don’t have the words. I just don’t want to forget.

how lucky I am to have so much to miss. <<