I slip back into a series of expectations and timeframes and it almost feels as though I’ve rehearsed this enough to feel like I’m selling it. full days at a desk sometimes. it’s really strange.
leaving Lewes meant being half a planet away, locked out of a world that is left to the past. I could only visit it in my memories. Stucco is a twenty minute walk away - I can visit it very easily. something about that world still being so accessible to me feels odd. I still miss Lewes and yearn for that life, but I can visit Bip or Nic or a whole bunch of Stucco friends in no time at all. the contrast is jarring.
making a new space in a very small room. loft bed, desk and clothes rack. white walls and bed boards and desktop and chair. it’s all blank - even the lightfitting, which I’m pretty sure is an upside down lamp being misused. nothing on the walls yet. very little on the desk - a lamp, le petit prince, my silver swan and her mood rings.
days pass quickly. I think less throughout, which is nice. hoping I might make positive use of routine once I make it my own. <<
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