the days keep coming. I wake and with time my stubbornness admits defeat - I’m out of bed and moving again. I breathe and think and exist in the house I’ve spent most of my life. I’m still here after all this time.
I don’t know what I’d do without mum and dad right now. they’ve been so patient and their care gives me cause to keep trying. friends have also been so kind. I’ll never really understand what motivates this generosity, but it gives me strength and reason to get out of bed.
fear of the future, stuck in the past. before bed I catch mysef hoping I might dream of Lewes or of people I miss. the idea of dreaming of people I can no longer be with as a way of feeling close to them. I will be missing people I love for as long as I live.
I need to start living again and I’m trying to make things work. believing in myself is not something I’m good at. I keep going. maybe it will work out. <<
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