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I will continue to count the things that matter to me. there is always more to see and I will try to open my eyes.

14/1/2023

I find myself lacking purpose. it seems to be the case that this time of year leaves me feeling lost and overwhelmed. nothing really makes much sense at the moment. I’m meant to be finding work and a new home. this is something I should be excited for. right now, I feel detached. recognising how lucky I am to have a home with my family, I feel guilty for being so deflated.

things aren’t really falling into place at the moment. I distract myself where possible and avoid the problems. this is something I need to work on. I’ll add it to the list.

I am lucky and I need to remind myself this. looking for purpose and answers to why I’m here. sometimes I doubt they even exist. strange feelings. <<

Sunny etc.

it’s all familiar very quickly. my room is the same as it’s been for years, though we have a new cat. his name is Sunny and he’s looked after me a great deal.

my birthday was my birthday. great uncle Kevin passed away (over in the states), so Zi and I spent time with Carol. Blake visited for Christmas and New Years. tried to be present and appreciate what I have around me.

this time of year always makes me feel uncertain and cloudy (without fail). in the embrace of a home I’m still lucky to have I look forward, hoping to see through the fog.

I will always miss and wish. I will always be confused. I will always have good to cherish and other things to learn from. I will always have more to learn. <<