Bruny Island

we went away camping to Bruny this week for a couple of nights. years ago we once visited for similar trips with Amelia’s family when we were all still close. I have many precious memories on the almost empty beaches and bush walks I’ve trekked frequently throughout my story so far. I remember visiting for a similar camping trip this time two years ago, freshly shaken from returning home from my adventure. I was still waking up stunned to find myself not in the world I missed but the one I’d always known.

last night I saw Jan in my dreams - he’d moved into my complex in Sydney, and we were going to be studying together again. I woke up missing him. this still happens, even whilst I’ve done all I can to preserve and honour my memories of the world and precious time we shared with our friends there. I miss many things about our world. uncertainty as an acceptable state of being with my distance from the world of consequences. I need to choose where I’m going - what this next year means for me. it scares me and I often wish I could seek refuge from responsibility as I did in that shabby hotel I miss so much.

we sat by the fire last night which was nice. the stars were bright for a while. I remind myself that I’ll always share the same skies with everyone I’ve ever known. there are still beautiful things. <<