the end is near

our final full day as a group. miserable weather. Jan and I went for a walk along the beach, stopping to watch part of a motor car show near the pier. after a painfully lengthy process of navigating the hostel washing machines, we went for another walk with Joel and Nash, stopping for hot drinks in a cafe in the lanes. on our way back to the hostel to farewell Fieke, I bought a copy of Kid A on CD.

Fieke was the first of us to leave, big hugs at the bus stop. happy I’ll be seeing her soon and don’t have to feel so sad about goodbye just yet. dinner as a group in the city - Joel and I both enjoying vegetarian pad thai. drinks at a local pub, before tea back at the hostel whilst listening to music. sat with Lukas and spoke heart to heart about what we miss about the world we used to share. I’ve missed him so much, and it saddens me to think I’ll not see him for at least another three years. he hopes we will all see each other again, and I hope so too.

farewelling Nadia, Mat and Lukas tomorrow. the end is here and it’s starting to make me quite sad. we’ve been so lucky to have this time and I’ll keep reminding myself of this when tomorrow is hard. <<

bonfire night

big feelings. chaos and fire and surprises at the eleventh hour. a precious night I’ll not forget: remember remember. <<

seven sisters

another big day. by 11 we’d all boarded the bus, riding on the top deck along the coast to the white cliffs of the seven sisters, a pilgrimage we’d all made a couple of times during our few months in Lewes.

it felt surreal to be back. our last time making this journey had been exactly a week before leaving Lewes. though each of us have changed considerably since our time here, it’s remarkable that this ritual of walking to the pebbled beach and climbing like mountain goats to the top of the hill remains the same as before.

it still feels like the end of the world here. I sat on the beach with Jan, talking about how little we know of where we’re going or why we’re here. I felt understood by him today, and I’m so grateful to have him with me as we navigate these strange emotions.

I fell asleep on the bus back to Brighton - I think Joel found it funny.

bussing back into Lewes, we finally returned to the oasis that is TESCO. wandering the lanes of the village, we started to gain a sense of the growing excitement for tomorrow night’s bonfires, with firecrackers and fireworks popping spontaneously down most corners by the end of the night in anticipation.

we split for dinner - Fieke, Nash, Joel, Jan and I heading to Bill’s. Lansdown after when Alex joined us from Paris. back in Brighton, we played uno in the common room, enjoying tea and caramilk I found at TESCO. lots of silly laughs with the boys before bed - calling Nic back in Sydney to quickly wish him a happy birthday.

overwhelmed in mostly positive ways, and feeling excited to celebrate with my friends tomorrow. aware of how lucky I am to be here, and trying my best to be present and not for a moment take for granted the comoany with which I’m spoiled right now. <<

campus etc.

my morning started with a job interview at 5:30 am. after sleeping, I was brought back to life with a shower. breakfast with friends in the hostel kitchen before returning to the precarious Brighton pier. wind and rain and big waves. fish and chips for lunch.

Mat, Lukas and I returned to campus in the afternoon. the place has hardly changed.

the Falmer house courtyard.

the debating chamber, in which we performed ‘Timepieces’ nearly three years ago.

the path to class.

we collaborated and made tacos for dinner. I used Nin and Eliza’s guacamole recipe. we returned to Lewes - Jam’s first time since we left - drinking at Lansdown again. the old bartender recognised us and was excited to hear we’d be back for bonfire night. tea and pepernoten in the kitchen after our bus back home.

it felt strange to interview for a job this morning whilst in the midst of returning to the life I’ve been missing for so long. thinking of the future here feels strange. I want to commit now to presence and appreciating what I have here whilst I can.

an old photo of Jan, Nash and I in Lansdown, found by Jan tonight. I treasure these friends si very much. <<

Paris to Lewes

the train took us to London. a metro to Victoria Station. another train to Brighton. reuniting with Nadia, Mat, Lukas and Fieke - surreal and beautiful, cooking and eating the pesto pasta dish we always used to share. spontaneous decision to board a bus to Lewes. big emotions stepping off at Lewes High Street to face rhe White Hart.

ghosts in the home we used to call our own.

room 53, my former haunt, upper level in the middle. surreal. the light was on in Eliu’s room, as though she hadn’t left. big feelings, somewhat unsettling. we need to return in the daytime.

spirits shifted - returning to Lansdowne, enjoying a pint of Old Rosie (the local cider I used to share with Meredith). the tables have changed and that’s about it - we could still queue songs on the iPad on the wall. laughing and laughing as though we’d been there last week.

bus back to Brighton. Nash, Joel, Mat and I journeyed through the rain to the station to collect Jan at an ungodly hour. thrilled to be with him again - I told him it would just be me collecting him, with the others hiding around a corner. his face lit up when they surprised him.

a huge day of feelings. breakfast in the kitchen now. time to be present again. <<

10am gare du nord

on the train now, about to pass under the channel. it feels real now. <<

the little prince

lazy morning: calling mum and Blake, listening to music in our room. Nash went for a run, Joel and I went for a walk. we all reunited with Alex later in the afternoon, walking through a pretty park to another gallery.

the exhibition showcased the works of Joan Mitchell and Claude Monet, presenting the paintings as engaging in some sort of dialogue. we wandered through for an hour or so before heading out to get dinner.

Brighton tomorrow. feeling as though the time has sprung up on us all of a sudden, despite waiting for this for so long. a little nervous, but grateful to not be returning alone. excited to reunite with my friends, and return to a place that has meant so much to me. I hope to be present for this precious time. <<