a new consumer fills the empty chair at lunch directly from another ward. she knows the rules her bolus of choice she's seen this all before. her first night is my last is just another in the unit. twenty one sleeps in my room I feel as frightened and unsure as I had on my first night. white sheets beige walls alone I feared surrender to the goals and expectations of the program the doctors the losing all control. tonight I fear returning back to where I was to choice to filling the dishes pantry space and time to mirrors to myself. outside I am seen with no say no excuse no soft plastic veil of protection security bolus in the fridge. on the precipice of freedom I stop to turn to catch my shadow. kneeling falling weeping to my captor beg for certainty for locks for answers maybe just more time. the thoughts grow inside out into tomorrow. I wash my face and pray and maybe find my feet in dreams.
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