the path rolls up against the boulder leading nowhere. I run between obligations over tram tracks by the creek. sunshine and frozen fingers. mothers steer their prams around puddles of yesterday lingering in gaps of weathered asphalt. dogs stop to sniff and lap at the water. I charge past knowing better than to dwell and slip into pools of where I've been. discipline on occasion is still discipline. no doubt I'll fall back in tomorrow.
I read the news and nothing changes. the death trap closes for repairs and the kids are left to starve. government drones taunt the freedom fighters on the sea. America pisses down any hope of stopping the bombs. I stream it all on my phone with my friends. twiddle my thumbs with the heater on. rinse my guilty conscience with a repost and a shower.
between feelings and sirens I play the same songs over like a metronome. listen close: they'll show you something different this time. watch me fall through paper-thin facades of self awareness into thinking about myself and the mirror. I've not been to the dentist in six years. they asked me to take x-rays and book again to have my wisdom teeth removed. the operation risks more the older you get. beyond the pricetag I've been too embarrassed to go back - years too late with crooked teeth and eating - though I know I gain nothing from holding onto my pathetic little pride. my smile is weak and I want to feel clean again. how much might that cost?
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