repent

I make mistakes by not saying anything. the people in charge are frustrated and their patience is waning. when they ask me what happened I don’t try to hide - there are no excuses and in my embarrassment I claim all responsibility for the actions that were never made. for an hour or so my head is heavy and the day is tainted by the disappointment of those I answer to. I apologise profusely and make myself even more of a mockery than I had been on the basis of not opening an email. only after closing the screen do I laugh at the fact that I felt so afraid and believed I had caused harm and done something wrong. I confess my sins and plead for forgiveness and I am a pathetic pawn for the church on whom I depend for myself and tomorrow. I’ll laugh about this to myself until I’m on my knees again tomorrow.

everybody idles on the platform playing leading roles in films nobody will ever care to watch or even ask about. I think of something I want to say and never write it down.