february

I see so many people persevere through ridiculous levels of hardship. there is a lot to admire, and I should use this to drive myself forward, to get back on track. but I struggle to escape the comparison trap.

I feel far from the world and the people I’ve been in the past. though I’m not lonely here, I continue to miss the places I can’t be and the people I can’t see. everything is very vague and uncertain looking ahead.

unsure of when this ends, what I’m meant to do. such a strange time, and it continues. I know I should try harder to make tomorrow a better day. most of the time it feels as though I can’t even string together a coherent thought. what a silly character I’ve become. <<

another day

I’m finding this period quite difficult. there’s a lot of doubt and a lack of faith that it’s going to work out. I’m lucky to have parents to lean on, though I wish I were stronger.

the world doesn’t stop when you’ve fallen down the stairs. I feel embarrassed by my lack of willpower to fix things and find the track again. before I would have believed in time helping, but I know this one is all on me.

I need to use my time with more intention and commit to believing I can make things work. there has been enough upset. I need to sort this out.

I miss life before this. like everything I miss, it feels impossibly out of reach. I don’t know what else to say. another day. <<

Phoebe

‘I cried at your show with the teenagers’

a little catharsis. a funny time and space right now. <<