campus

long days. there’s a lot going on, though I’m trying to commit to a schedule devoid of panic. it’s still raining, though the heat persists. an insane juxtaposition in such short time - from nothing to too much at once. time machines would be very nice. <<

again

time to do it all again. another one. three months with little to show more than scribbles - I would’ve liked to make more with the time had I tried harder. taking a deep breath now. it will be okay. <<

sun

there’s been lots of sun this week. I’d like to hide from what I should be doing forever.

the thought of committing to seeing another lap through daunts me. the fact that it’s my last lap in this model (playing student) frightens me just as much these days. the time has flown so quickly and I don’t know what to do.

I’m trying to make something out of each day. conscious of my inevitable inability to do so when I lose my time to study and things I’m meant to be doing. I wonder where I’ll be in six months time.

I’m lost but doing little about it at the moment. just distractions now. trying to walk gently into the oncoming chaos. hoping for balance and peace amidst the storms both outside and in. <<

back again

thunder and lightning tonight. I can hear the rain on the window beside me as I type. it’s very warm up here, and although the sea makes for wonderful swimming I wish it were cooler at night.

the place is mostly as I left it. a few new characters, old friends happy to see me and generous with their time and interest in my life over recent weeks. I’ve missed some of them lots without realising. life here is nice without classes yet. we caught a ferry to some disgustingly wealthy suburb, laughing at the size of the houses and the fact that no amount of money can prevent some people from having bad taste. swimming at the beach, watching the oncoming storm hanging over the city.

preparing to commit to another semester, knowing of my own inability to escape the hurdles into which I’ll be tripping over the coming months. already missing home. always missing Lewes and the friends I found there.

trying to go gently without angering myself. also trying to sleep. <<

and drift in time

the stars are beautiful tonight. I’ll miss them tomorrow, and hope I don’t forget them. <<

back soon

I’ll be heading back soon. the flight to the mainland means committing to the next few months. another semester - perhaps my last. returning to the mainland means committing to whatever comes next. it’s a little scary and though the summer never seems to end, I wish it lasted longer than it did, if purely for the purpose of biding time.

it takes committing to the flight for me to realise the escape cannot dictate my every day. a frightening few months ahead - decisions and guaranteed chaos. I’ll probably be missing and wishing for lots of things too (a perpetual part of me now it seems). I won’t hold my breath because that’s not safe. the care that comes my way from parents and friends out of concern and love is something I still strive to appreciate more. I hope I won’t forget this.

still not quite sure what I’m doing or where I’m headed. I wonder if there’s any sense to be made of it someday. <<