with my salt lamp still on

Isaiah’s flown back to his other life now. my next semester starts in under a month. I should start thinking about what I’m doing, but the thought of leaving scares me - if only for the fact that it means committing to another round of pretending I know what I’m doing. I’m meant to have some sort of plan for when this course finishes, but I know very little of where I’m going to be. I owe answers to people I love, and it’s all too close for me to run away.

I feel very old and tired too, despite sleeping excessively. swimming in the sea has been nice. sometimes being with friends helps. distraction is a saving grace. I try to draw and think coherently sometimes. I miss a lot still, afraid of committing to words both written and vocalised.

if you’re reading this I hope you’ve had a nice day and are managing okay. I’m trying, as always, to take things one day at a time. whilst I mightn’t be happy with where or who I am right now, I try to remind myself that nothing I see or feel is permanent. go gently, I hope you sleep well. <<