September 21st

the date I first arrived in Lewes: I was petrified and totally oblivious to just how transformative my short life in that dusty hotel would be. the characters are still missed every day. I think of them now and it feels cruel to think that so much time has passed since our last movie night, Tesco mission or trip to Lansdowne. the world isn’t ours anymore, but I still glimpse it in photos and memories. it’s cherished.

the date or Lou’s birthday. I remember her 19th, the first after her accident. walking to the bus to school, I couldn’t stop crying. but the clouds were gorgeous from the bus stop, and the grief is a friend now. I keep her close every day with my crane before bed.

the date of Eliu’s birthday. I met her the next day - she moved into the study lodge a day late. she looked out for me the way family would. I owe her the world for the love and care she showed me, and like the rest of the family I found there, I miss her dearly every day.

I grieve for different reasons today. I notice the absence of these friends and that world, on the birthday of the first person to show me what loss can feel like. I’m reminded of the fullness of that world and the people that filled it. I remember her smile and the way she made me laugh without even trying.

the study lodge is still there, another generation oblivious to whatever the following months will bring. room 53 is now home to someone else. they’ll never know what the place meant to us, that I still think of it every day. but I hope it treats them well. <<