one month

in a month’s time I’ll be home. I’m beyond excited to hug my friends and see my family. Tasmania seems like so long ago - and it’s strange to think I haven’t been home in over three months now. still, part of me sees this ticking time as bittersweet.

I’ve been away for a long time. it’s been an adventure, seeing new places and revisiting people that feel like home. meeting new people and finding a sense of home and comfort with them. it’s strange. I know going home will do the world of good for my mind and heart. but it hurts me knowing now that part of me is left scattered across the continent, in these beautiful places and with these people who have meant something to me.

going home means acknowledging that this is over, a next chapter must begin, and life must continue. it throws me a little. where to from here? and what of this experience - my life for five months, these people I love on the other side of the planet. it’s a funny little world. it makes me sad sometimes.

through this time I’ve come to realise just how small I am in the scheme of things. so much is out of our control. yet we trust in time and the world and the stars and hope for the best. I’m putting off sleep. the time is slipping and I need it to stop. I love my home. but I know that returning means moving on with the life that I live there.

it hasn’t been an easy adventure. hurdles find me around most corners. but I learn how to jump, and if I fall we find ways to stand up. I discover more about myself and my vulnerabilities each day. I’ve been confronted by the person I am and often struggle to come to terms with the fact that this is who I’m spending my life with. but I remind myself that I’m here for some purpose, and one day it will hopefully make a little more sense.

it rains here. I eat pasta and go for walks and read and listen to music. I’ve done less writing, which makes me sad, but I know I’ll find the right state of mind at some point. I know I’m not alone, as I’m reminded so often by loved ones back home. I’m trying to find closure with some things I’ve been grappling with, and hope to come home content and at peace with these things that seem so important to me right now.

I’m heading to London in the morning. I’ll spend the day solo, maybe visit a gallery and walk along the river. I’ll go gently and focus on being present, in recognising how lucky I am to be here and alive and breathing. one day at a time << x