the piano

Paris was wonderful for my mind. seeing Maylis again, and staying with her and her brother Louis was so much fun. she is very important to me and seeing her reminds me how lucky I am to have such precious people in my life, now scattered across the globe.

in the Louvre, outside my favourite statue (the Winged Victory) I ran into a friend from Tasmania. this blew my mind, and has left me thinking about timing and choices and where our paths take us. this week I could have chosen to go someplace else, or maybe visited the Louvre another day. I could have been in a different room of the building. but I was there and so was Tess and we hugged and it was such a wonderful accident.

after a Nutella crepe I wandered into Shakespeare and Co., my favourite bookshop on this earth. upstairs, there is a lounge full of old books and chairs, inhabited by a cat and it’s piano. I sat and listened to a man play the most peaceful music. it gripped me and I listened for what seemed like a content lifetime. it felt safe and spoke to me in ways music rarely does. when the man finished, I asked him the name of the piece he had played. he told me it was all improvised.

after thanking him, I sat myself at the piano. photos of authors sat above: Walt Whitman, F Scott, Zelda Fitzgerald. I sat and thought of where I am right now on my journey. I thought of the past year, the experiences, moments, emotions and people. slowly, I played a song that means a great deal to me, and kept thinking and thanking inside my head. I finished, and upon standing, received a warm smile from a lady seated in the lounge.

I walked through Luxembourg gardens one last time this morning. I’m at the airport now waiting to board. I made a friend this week, and I’ve been thinking a lot about the conversations we shared. I hope we have the chance to meet again. we find people in strange ways and the universe seems to enjoy playing games. I leave with more precious moments to treasure from this glorious city << x

returning to the Louvre

returning to the Louvre was magic. this place is truly something else, and without a doubt one of my favourite places on the planet. I went alone, and spent hours wandering through the halls and just absorbing everything. the paintings, the sculptures, the stories and emotions. truly incredible.

I will miss this a lot. each gallery I’ve found has been like a little oasis for me, and getting lost in each one and the work and the stories has been special. this one has just been extra safe and wonderful for me.

I feel the need to thank the place for filling me with so much in my head and heart. it’s strange, but wonderful to feel so inspired << x

Paris again

on the train back into Paris for a final couple of nights with Maylis. it’s cold and cloudy but I’m glad to be here. crepes for dinner?

the distance from Lewes is nice, though being home briefly last night was wonderful, spending time in room 53 with my friends. being on the move so much remindsme of my life pre-England. Paris was the last place I visited before my studies, it’s fitting to visit as they come to a close << x

Barcelona

I’ve spent the weekend in Barcelona. mum and dad had raved about the place since visiting last year, and I knew it’d be nice to visit. the city is beautiful and spending time in the sun has been such a wonderful change from the rain.

visiting Sagrada Familia was phenomenal. this building has been in the process of construction for over a century, and is still incomplete. walking inside and seeing the windows and pillars, sculptures and angles it feels as though the church is one cohesive work of art. it really blew me away and I spent over an hour just admiring the beauty.

I visited Park Guell, another world of Gaudi’s, which was also beautiful. the rest of my day was spent with Rachele, my Italian cousin, and her friends that she volunteers with in Barcelona. we went out for tapas and churros, and had a lovely time. 

Rachele and I spoke about where we’re at with our journeys, and the things we are struggling with. she’s wise and I appreciate the way she thinks and views relationships and the world. I feel truly grateful to have spent this time with her here.

travelling solo again has been good for my mind. it forces you to think rationally about what is happening in the present moment, rather than overthinking matters beyond your control. in 22 days I’m home, and that is that. I leave it all behind, but I see the people I miss so much. I fly back to Lewes in the morning. strange to think that two days away leaves me missing my friends from exchange already. I guess it’s good practice for what’s to come << x

ice skating

it’s been an exhausting week. my mind doesn’t want to give me a break. still, I take the time to recognise how lucky I am and remain grateful for every day I’m given to spend with these people in this wonderful place.

it’s getting really cold now, and dark early. the sun disappears at 4pm and we bus home from uni in the dark. the other night I went ice skating for the first time. I was surprise at my ability to not fall over, and had a lovely time with my friends. when it was working, it felt somewhat like flying.

I reached out to an old friend this week. we hadn’t spoken in years and it had been something I’d thought about for a long time. I heard back, and we chatted. whilst time has left a mark between us, it was comforting for me to realise that he still recognised the worth in our friendship. my relationship with time is something that frustrates me every day, and never will an hour pass without my thinking of it. but this reconnection was able to calm me this week.

three weeks until I leave the study lodge for my final weekend in London. a lot to think about. my family and loved ones back home getting closer, my life up here slowing slipping. this world is so wide and I’m lucky to see it from different angles. I just wish these angles weren’t so far apart << x

London and I

we kept quiet and didn’t have much to say to each other. I walked along her river and visited a gallery. it was nice and the Dali and Picasso made me smile. though the highlight was seeing the sun through the clouds in the window. I didn’t realise itever visited London.

the Christmas lights led me through Piccadilly and Carnaby. beautiful shops lit thefaces of everyone I passed. it’s overwhelming to realise each of them is facing their own troubling obstacles each day, and that I’ll never know a thing about them. it’s also strange to think that my face is one of thousands they’ll see again only as an extra in a forgotten dream before waking. I read recently that every person we see in our dreams is a face placed their from our memory, be it partner or manager, stranger or sibling. without our control others stay in our heads. it’s crazy to think about.

I’m on the train home. it’s been a big day of thinking and I’m excited to hug and see my Lewes friends. it’s odd to think my loved ones at home are waking up as I type. it’s even weirder to think that in a month I’ll be a world away from the people that matter here. a lot to process. but a lotto recognise as remarkable. to be grateful for. it will all make sense, I’m sure << x

one month

in a month’s time I’ll be home. I’m beyond excited to hug my friends and see my family. Tasmania seems like so long ago - and it’s strange to think I haven’t been home in over three months now. still, part of me sees this ticking time as bittersweet.

I’ve been away for a long time. it’s been an adventure, seeing new places and revisiting people that feel like home. meeting new people and finding a sense of home and comfort with them. it’s strange. I know going home will do the world of good for my mind and heart. but it hurts me knowing now that part of me is left scattered across the continent, in these beautiful places and with these people who have meant something to me.

going home means acknowledging that this is over, a next chapter must begin, and life must continue. it throws me a little. where to from here? and what of this experience - my life for five months, these people I love on the other side of the planet. it’s a funny little world. it makes me sad sometimes.

through this time I’ve come to realise just how small I am in the scheme of things. so much is out of our control. yet we trust in time and the world and the stars and hope for the best. I’m putting off sleep. the time is slipping and I need it to stop. I love my home. but I know that returning means moving on with the life that I live there.

it hasn’t been an easy adventure. hurdles find me around most corners. but I learn how to jump, and if I fall we find ways to stand up. I discover more about myself and my vulnerabilities each day. I’ve been confronted by the person I am and often struggle to come to terms with the fact that this is who I’m spending my life with. but I remind myself that I’m here for some purpose, and one day it will hopefully make a little more sense.

it rains here. I eat pasta and go for walks and read and listen to music. I’ve done less writing, which makes me sad, but I know I’ll find the right state of mind at some point. I know I’m not alone, as I’m reminded so often by loved ones back home. I’m trying to find closure with some things I’ve been grappling with, and hope to come home content and at peace with these things that seem so important to me right now.

I’m heading to London in the morning. I’ll spend the day solo, maybe visit a gallery and walk along the river. I’ll go gently and focus on being present, in recognising how lucky I am to be here and alive and breathing. one day at a time << x

timepieces

• I’ve spent the past month working with a really special group of people. my new friend Sam wrote a beautiful piece of theatre called ‘timepieces’. the piece revolves around the memories of an old man named Richard Sourgrass, who reflects on his life and a past love. after a couple of rounds of auditions, I was lucky enough to be grouped with Lauren - a new friend from Ireland - and Rachel - another from Indonesia - to be a part of telling this story.
  

with Sam and Adam, Sam’s best friend and our producer / co-director, we spent weeks rehearsing and designing how we would present the prose, poetry and post-cards for audiences. the process involved a heap of workshopping, different rehearsal rooms, packs of malted milk biscuits from tesco, and laughs.

we performed the piece in the Falmer House debating chamber on November 8th and 9th. many friends from the lodge came to support me, and both performances went really well. as a group, the five of us became close and I already miss the time we spent.

this piece was really special for me. I struggle with my relationship with time and my lack of control over love and loss, and connecting with Richard and his story in such a natural and raw way was genuinely therapeutic for me. being so closely connected to this text allowed me to reflect on some things I struggle with, and gave me a chance to process how I feel about where I am and where I’m heading at the moment.

I’m grateful for this unique experience, which has been the most fulfilling surprise I could have asked for. aquel riempi, donde se va << x

bonfire night

I didn’t realise beforehand, but Lewes is the country’s capital for bonfire night: November 5th. the celebrations were crazy, with the entire town shut down, 80 thousand visitors, and no end to firecrackers.

a mass procession down high street, we all gathered and watched it happening outside our home. later we followed the crowd to what can only be the biggest mound of kindling I’ve seen in my life. torch after torch was thrown onto the mound, and slowly the sky was coloured by its flames, followed by twenty minutes of the most glorious fireworks.

it was an unforgettable experience << x

London

a few of us caught the train into London last weekend to loo around. we visited The Globe, the biggest toy store in the world, and rode on the merry go round. it was a lovely day.

I’ve been busy with rehearsals and study. though this is usually the case at home, I am very lucky to be doing all of this in such a beautiful place. I am fortunate to be surrounded by caring and genuinely considerate people in Lewes, and I know I will miss this when it’s over.

friends and family back home are being amazing. I miss them dearly and can’t wait to see them before Christmas. I’ve now been away nearly three months, and it seems as though being away from home has been the constant in my life for a while now. I can see how some people do this for years: time passes at a different pace, maybe even in a different way. I’m lucky to be here << x