on my way home

on my way home today. didn’t anticipate the stopover in Melbourne, but excited to be with my family again. there’s a cat at home I still haven’t met. I doubt the tree’s up yet. things to look forward to.

Sydney has been a whirlwind. I’m lucky to have found Stucco and the friendships it has given me. closing off my time with dinner (Indian witj Georgia, Francesca and Blake) before Gryffyn and Bec’s party with an all star lineup of personal favourite people. my heart is full, and I cherish these blessings in the face of the uncertainty of what’s to come.

a big week for Blake. graduating alongside Julia Gillard (an unexpected treat), acting as mc and interviewing for television, birthday. I’m very proud of him. it’s a joy to be spending time with him again.

Lou’s anniversary on Friday. a little hard to believe it’s been seven years. and it’s strange to think that one day can have such a profound impact on the direction of so many lives. I believe that words fail when it comes to trying to make sense of what happened and the consequences of losing somebody you care about. I’m no more certain about what it means now than I was five or six years ago. the 16th of December will always be a sobering reminder of a friend who should still be alive. I wonder if we’d still know each other. I’ve lost touch with many people who have meant a lot to me. I’m lucky I still have her, even just the memories and the thought of plodding along for her.

a lot of feelings. I don’t want to turn 24, I don’t like birthdays. what’s new? I have to remind myself I actually went back to Lewes unless I’m asked about my trip. time, time, time. so strange. I don’t like that another day older matters so much to me. I’ll get over it someday. <<

no flash photography

up and back between Blake’s place on the coast and stucco. lots of important catching up and checking in with friends - lovely side quests with Rhayne, Jenae, Mitch … baking this morning with Mia, chats with her and Callum. morning trips to Hollis Park Cafe with Nic, debriefs with Bip. trying to make the most of the joy here before I leave for a while.

unit 3 dinner on Sunday night (out in the courtyard). I made them all try Norwegian brown cheese.

on the weekend Blake surprised me with a wine and paint night in Terrigal. lots and lots of fun. he was far better than me.

two weeks ago I was still in the Netherlands, which to me is quite a surreal thought. it’s all feeling more and more like a dream now. home on Sunday. ready and excited to see the people I’ve missed, uncertain about the next few months. <<

back

landed Sunday morning. Blake surprised me at the arrival gate. we swam after catching the train up the coast. thai for dinner on the jetty on the lake. long overdue time spent. I’ve missed him so very much.

Monday was a sleep in. I walked with Blake on his work break. we listened to music in the evening, watching some tv. I trained back to Sydney the next morning, surprising my friends back at Stucco. nothing much has changed. it’s wonderful to be with them again. Thai La Onglunch special in Camperdown park with Mia, Callum, Nic, Leo and Jeff. GM in the evening, sleepover with Bip updated each other on what’s happened in the time between seeing each other.

coffee with Bip, Jeff, Mitch, Leo and Ella at One Another this morning. beach trip with Callum, Nic and Bip. Gordon’s Bay. cold water. quality time with some of those dearest to me. I’ve missed them a lot, and I’m now remembering how lucky I am to know their friendship.

ramen dinner with the gang before a movie.

it’s a little like I never left. tired from all the socialising I think. Europe feels another life away. strange. there will always be something to miss. <<

nearly there

another big day. hoping for some sleep tonight. limbo feels funny, but it’s almost over now. nearly there. <<

Amsterdam to Paris

early morning. hugs goodbye and promises that I’ll come back. coconut macaroon courtesy of KLM onboard. it’s happening now. <<

Kröller Müller

for my last day in the Netherlands, Sietske and Fred spoiled me to a trip to the Kröller Müller museum, an hour or so from Amstelveen. parking the car on the outskirts of a national park, visitors use the white bikes provided to ride along paths paved through the forests and open fields until their reach the gallery - home to the second largest collection of Van Gough in the world. the ride was a lot of fun, and we rewarded ourselves with hot drinks at the gallery cafe before exploring.

a favourite from today.

Monet.

pretty (though I don’t remember).

Van.

Van.

the potato eaters (Van).

Van.

the decay of the sunflowers (Van).

beyond the gallery, a sculpture trail wound through the national park, which we explored in the afternoon. the sun shone for a while, and as the autumn leaves fell, the afternoon looked like a painting.

we rode the bikes to another museum about the environment of the park. on our ride back to the car, Fieke spotted some deer staring out at us from afar, completelt still. a highlight of my time here, without a doubt.

we prepared tortillas for dinner, before Fieke and I made a final trip to Albert Heijn. I packed my bags, after which we sat and watched some netflix together. hugs and bedtime. an early rise tomorrow.

unsure if I have truly processed that I am leaving yet. tomorrow will help, with the moving and the flying and the waiting. I can’t quite believe the time has come. excitement and uncertainty. a lot of gratitude too. <<

Sinterklaas

we celebrated Sinterklaas this evening. traditionally the Dutch celebrate this seasonal pastime on December 5th. Fieke’s family were kind enough to bring the date forward so that I might be included. this morning was spent wrapping presents and finalising poems. for each gift that is given, a poem must be written (from Sinterklaas and his helpers), which is then read out by the person receiving the gift before unwrapping it. lots of fun.

Fred and I made vegan pepernoten together, a highlight of my time in the Netherlands. before the sun set I walked to the shops to buy a frame for the drawing I’d prepared for Job’s gift. the clouds were beautiful and I thought of the incoming distance between me and the next time I’ll see so many of these people and places that mean so much to me.

Sinterklaas was good fun. Fieke and I made pancakes, which were enjoyed alongside Fred’s pea soup. I tried ginger jam which was actually really tasty. the gift giving was wonderful - dutch poems relayed back to me in English. so many kind gifts passed on to me. feeling spoiled and so lucky to have been included in such a precious family pastime.

chatted with Fred a little longer before bed. he asked me about the future for me, showing a genuine interest in my hopes and concerns. a generous, gentle person. I’ll miss his company and conversation.

mixed feelings about this week and where I’m at and currently going. trying my best to treasure what I have. <<