on my way home

on my way home today. didn’t anticipate the stopover in Melbourne, but excited to be with my family again. there’s a cat at home I still haven’t met. I doubt the tree’s up yet. things to look forward to.

Sydney has been a whirlwind. I’m lucky to have found Stucco and the friendships it has given me. closing off my time with dinner (Indian witj Georgia, Francesca and Blake) before Gryffyn and Bec’s party with an all star lineup of personal favourite people. my heart is full, and I cherish these blessings in the face of the uncertainty of what’s to come.

a big week for Blake. graduating alongside Julia Gillard (an unexpected treat), acting as mc and interviewing for television, birthday. I’m very proud of him. it’s a joy to be spending time with him again.

Lou’s anniversary on Friday. a little hard to believe it’s been seven years. and it’s strange to think that one day can have such a profound impact on the direction of so many lives. I believe that words fail when it comes to trying to make sense of what happened and the consequences of losing somebody you care about. I’m no more certain about what it means now than I was five or six years ago. the 16th of December will always be a sobering reminder of a friend who should still be alive. I wonder if we’d still know each other. I’ve lost touch with many people who have meant a lot to me. I’m lucky I still have her, even just the memories and the thought of plodding along for her.

a lot of feelings. I don’t want to turn 24, I don’t like birthdays. what’s new? I have to remind myself I actually went back to Lewes unless I’m asked about my trip. time, time, time. so strange. I don’t like that another day older matters so much to me. I’ll get over it someday. <<

no flash photography

up and back between Blake’s place on the coast and stucco. lots of important catching up and checking in with friends - lovely side quests with Rhayne, Jenae, Mitch … baking this morning with Mia, chats with her and Callum. morning trips to Hollis Park Cafe with Nic, debriefs with Bip. trying to make the most of the joy here before I leave for a while.

unit 3 dinner on Sunday night (out in the courtyard). I made them all try Norwegian brown cheese.

on the weekend Blake surprised me with a wine and paint night in Terrigal. lots and lots of fun. he was far better than me.

two weeks ago I was still in the Netherlands, which to me is quite a surreal thought. it’s all feeling more and more like a dream now. home on Sunday. ready and excited to see the people I’ve missed, uncertain about the next few months. <<

back

landed Sunday morning. Blake surprised me at the arrival gate. we swam after catching the train up the coast. thai for dinner on the jetty on the lake. long overdue time spent. I’ve missed him so very much.

Monday was a sleep in. I walked with Blake on his work break. we listened to music in the evening, watching some tv. I trained back to Sydney the next morning, surprising my friends back at Stucco. nothing much has changed. it’s wonderful to be with them again. Thai La Onglunch special in Camperdown park with Mia, Callum, Nic, Leo and Jeff. GM in the evening, sleepover with Bip updated each other on what’s happened in the time between seeing each other.

coffee with Bip, Jeff, Mitch, Leo and Ella at One Another this morning. beach trip with Callum, Nic and Bip. Gordon’s Bay. cold water. quality time with some of those dearest to me. I’ve missed them a lot, and I’m now remembering how lucky I am to know their friendship.

ramen dinner with the gang before a movie.

it’s a little like I never left. tired from all the socialising I think. Europe feels another life away. strange. there will always be something to miss. <<

nearly there

another big day. hoping for some sleep tonight. limbo feels funny, but it’s almost over now. nearly there. <<

Amsterdam to Paris

early morning. hugs goodbye and promises that I’ll come back. coconut macaroon courtesy of KLM onboard. it’s happening now. <<

Kröller Müller

for my last day in the Netherlands, Sietske and Fred spoiled me to a trip to the Kröller Müller museum, an hour or so from Amstelveen. parking the car on the outskirts of a national park, visitors use the white bikes provided to ride along paths paved through the forests and open fields until their reach the gallery - home to the second largest collection of Van Gough in the world. the ride was a lot of fun, and we rewarded ourselves with hot drinks at the gallery cafe before exploring.

a favourite from today.

Monet.

pretty (though I don’t remember).

Van.

Van.

the potato eaters (Van).

Van.

the decay of the sunflowers (Van).

beyond the gallery, a sculpture trail wound through the national park, which we explored in the afternoon. the sun shone for a while, and as the autumn leaves fell, the afternoon looked like a painting.

we rode the bikes to another museum about the environment of the park. on our ride back to the car, Fieke spotted some deer staring out at us from afar, completelt still. a highlight of my time here, without a doubt.

we prepared tortillas for dinner, before Fieke and I made a final trip to Albert Heijn. I packed my bags, after which we sat and watched some netflix together. hugs and bedtime. an early rise tomorrow.

unsure if I have truly processed that I am leaving yet. tomorrow will help, with the moving and the flying and the waiting. I can’t quite believe the time has come. excitement and uncertainty. a lot of gratitude too. <<

Sinterklaas

we celebrated Sinterklaas this evening. traditionally the Dutch celebrate this seasonal pastime on December 5th. Fieke’s family were kind enough to bring the date forward so that I might be included. this morning was spent wrapping presents and finalising poems. for each gift that is given, a poem must be written (from Sinterklaas and his helpers), which is then read out by the person receiving the gift before unwrapping it. lots of fun.

Fred and I made vegan pepernoten together, a highlight of my time in the Netherlands. before the sun set I walked to the shops to buy a frame for the drawing I’d prepared for Job’s gift. the clouds were beautiful and I thought of the incoming distance between me and the next time I’ll see so many of these people and places that mean so much to me.

Sinterklaas was good fun. Fieke and I made pancakes, which were enjoyed alongside Fred’s pea soup. I tried ginger jam which was actually really tasty. the gift giving was wonderful - dutch poems relayed back to me in English. so many kind gifts passed on to me. feeling spoiled and so lucky to have been included in such a precious family pastime.

chatted with Fred a little longer before bed. he asked me about the future for me, showing a genuine interest in my hopes and concerns. a generous, gentle person. I’ll miss his company and conversation.

mixed feelings about this week and where I’m at and currently going. trying my best to treasure what I have. <<

foggy morning

foggy morning. went for a run through Amstelveen, before calling my family. Zi has just arrived home, and it’s nice to see them all in the same room again. I called Blake on my adventure into the city to find last minute gifts for Sinterklaas tomoffow. tried a fresh stroop waffle from the market (it tasted wonderful). dinner with Fieke and Sophie, her cousin and best friend - a feast of Indian takeaways. tea with Fred and Fieke before bed. tired and ready to sleep. a good day. <<

a funny way to be

another quiet day. after sleeping in, Fieke and I walked to the shopping centre in Amstelveen to buy some Christmas gifts. we snacked on pepernoten in the afternoon until her parents returned from their weekend away. lovely to see them again and hear their stories of their time away.

I caught up with Emma for dinner. she drove all the way from Utrecht to see me. we caught up over pho and lemon iced tea, updating each other on what happened since our day together with Joel and Fieke in October. I showed her photos of the trip to Lewes, answering her questions about how everyone was travelling, what it was like to go back, how it felt … we enjoyed hot chocolates after dinner, talking about the future and when we might meet again.

we hugged goodbye in the foggy street. she drove away and I found it funny just how quickly we’d slipped in and out of each other’s lives again. Emma was like an older sister to me during our time in Lewes. her care for me has hardly changed - if anything, it seems to have grown with the time and distance between us. I count myself so very lucky to have found her and to know her friendship, and I just wish the distance wasn’t so great.

tea and Norwegian chocolate with the Tuinders before bed. it’s all feeling real now - the end drawing closer. thinking lots of my life here and the real world back home. I’ll always be missing people no matter where I am. what a funny way to be. <<

Viennese delights

for the archives: highlights of Schiele and Klimt from my day in Vienna.

my favourite of the day, ‘the lyricist’.

Pia absolutely serving.

‘death and life’.

‘the kiss’.

in awe. <<

a day without trains

a day without trains, absolute bliss. after a long sleep most of the day was spent walking. on the phone to Zi I ventured into the city, catching each other up on what’s been on our minds. I’ve missed him a lot, and can’t wait to spend time with him over summer. he’s finished exams now, and I’m hoping this means some time for rest is on his horizon.

I spent the evening drawing and cooking dinner. Fieke arrived at 9:30, and we ate together: pesto pasta with halloumi, just like old times. I’d missed her and we’d only been apart for three weeks. we drank tea and listened to music enjoyed the warmth of the lounge before venturing upstairs.

happy to be back in the Netherlands. I really like this country, and hope that my future involves coming back at some point. <<

Vienna to Amsterdam

big train day. Pia dropped me at the station at 10:30. we hugged goodbye and I’ve been on my way to Fieke’s place since. one train and tram until I’m there. spent time journaling and trying to sleep, thinking about where I’ve been and the uncertainty of where I’m going. excited to be back in a home I know. <<

Vienna

a big day. left the house early for the train into the city, visiting the Leopold Gallery. one of the best art spots I’ve come across this trip. enjoyed seeing Klimt’s ‘death and life’ up close, though the highlight of the museum was seeing such a vast collection of work by Egon Schiele. his paintings will be on my mind for a while. admiring his visions and curious depictions of the human form makes me want to make art again. a wonderful way to spend the morning.

Pia met me outside the gallery, and we wandered the city for a while, stopping for snacks on a bench by the votive church in the city centre. we spent our afternoon in the Belvedere Palace - more art, including additional pieces from Schiele and Klimt. ‘the kiss’ was a pleasant surprise - surpassing expectations in opposition to the way the Mona Lisa sort of lets you down.

as the sun went down we made our way to Prater, where Pia convinced me to join her on one of those terrifying thrill rides that sends you eighty metres high for a view of the city before dropping you so fast you feel as though your heart might leap out of your body. we enjoyed a hearty schnitzel and salad for dinner before heading home, where we laughed and chatted over chocolate and Austrian beer until late.

I’ve been lucky to have found such a caring friend in Pia, and I really hope we stay in touch. so little time to spend with such a precious person and what seems to be a beautiful city. I’ve promised myself I’ll return someday. <<

Würzburg to Vienna

tired today. Jan and I were up laughing til late. it’s pretty funny that we got to a point at which seeing each other and spending time felt normal, as though we don’t live a world apart and have an inevitable handful of years between our paths crossing again. he really is the best of the best, and I count myself so lucky to have spent this time with him.

the train was crowded. I listened to music and started reading the book Bipasha bought me when I left. by 5pm I arrived at the station, where I was greeted by Paula who commuted with me back to her place in the outskirts of the city. Pia had prepared a delicious meal for us. we drank wine and shared Norwegian chocolate, laughing lots and updated each other on what had happened since we’d last seen each other in Milan.

once more I’m in the company of friends I might never have met were it not for sheer luck. they’ve invited me into their home, and will spend time showing me around the city tomorrow. I’ll visit some galleries and see the town Nash has been talking about for years. unsure what I did to deserve all of this. trying to treasure it all. <<

Copenhagen to Würzburg

early morning train to Hamburg, then on towards Würzburg, arriving at Jan’s by 5:30ish. big train day. journalled in the morning, dozed in the afternoon. 

Jan took me out to the vegan place with the bossy waiter we’d been joking about (the waiter hadn’t let us eat there last time). the food was delicious. we’ve just spent the past six hours laughing and chatting over tea and Norwegian chocolate at the kitchen table. this evening was hardly planned - super spontaneous - and I just feel very lucky to be here. it’s been a lovely night. <<

Mette and Netto

most of my final day in Copenhagen has been spent with Mette, a friend mum and dad made during their time backpacking around Europe in 1992. very generously Mette showed me around the city, telling me about her life and how she came to grow so fond of my parents three decades ago during a trip to Greece.

we stopped for a chai in Christiana. when I asked if Mette if she wanted to facetime my parents, she became emotional at the thought, having not seen them in real time for so long. I thought of how I would feel had I met the child of Eliu or Jan without having spoken to them in forever, and I empathised.

in the afternoon Mette returned home to watch the soccer. I spent this time to visit galleries - one contemporary and another more traditional.

the highlight of the contemporary gallery.

‘memory’, just haunting.

Picasso.

Danish scenes.

Van Gough.

Monet.

I spent the evening with Mette and her family. we looked at photo albums of her time with my parents. it was a really special evening, and gives me hope for the friendships I share with those I love living so far from me. Mette met my parents on a boat in Greece. she was telling me just how easily they might never have spoken. a scary and remarkable thought.

Netto run to buy snacks for the train ride tomorrow. time to pack my bag - an early start. <<

the little mermaid

it’s cold here, and though I packed for winter I feel as though I didn’t anticipate just how cold November can be in Scandinavia. I walked out to the little mermaid today - a statue my parents told me about years ago - calling Blake as I ventured through the cold. wandered my way through some pretty gardens. the sun set before 4pm today, so I spent some time planning the next few days. an evening walk through the city (equipped with extra layers, having learned from the chill last night). snowflakes falling gently. freezing and beautiful all at once.

gallery day tomorrow. missing Isaiah tonight. excited to be with him and our family over Christmas. <<