March

another month has slipped. I’m further from the things I miss than I was before. I’m also losing track of important matters. trying to keep my head up whilst hoping to do better at being present, both for those I love and for myself. 

there were clouds beneath the moon tonight. it was nice watching them, if only for a minute or two. we keep moving and missing. <<

still sane, lorde 2013

I can’t keep up with myself. there are fulfilling days and other days. I’ve busied myself to the point of not finding the time to dwell too much, which is a good thing, though I know skimming on the surface is never enough. trying to create and advance and remember how to use my brain again. I heard from cousins in Italy last night. I also led a weekend camp with some precious friends. there are things to be grateful for. Isaiah is home on Saturday. I’m safe and warm and still breathing. it’s good to take note of these things before bed. remembering that I am in fact lucky is something I need to prioritise. I’ll try amidst everything else I need to work on.

seesaw

and it’s up and down and up and down. missing and moving. sleeping and breathing and swimming to shore. it’s safe and sometimes there’s good things to be loved. I’m lucky.

continued

passing by quickly still. not much time to think, and when there’s time, thinking isn’t really what I want to be doing. the sea monkeys died, despite my following the instructions with care. I’m still drawing and working and seeing friends again. I miss Isaiah, and Lewes a lot more this week. we’re at a point where we know that missing is what we do as beings in this funny world. sometimes I just wish it wasn’t the way. I try to treasure the good things - I know I’m lucky and remind myself whenever I remember. 

unsure of where it’s all headed, though I try to move gently and with purpose where possible. I hope you’re travelling okay. <<

rapids

the weeks fly. it’s strange. work and food and sleep. sometimes seeing friends. I wrote a poem for the first time in forever, which is a good thing, and I draw. but the time slips so very quickly.

Julien released her third album, and it feels like a hug. I’m very proud of her. I miss Isaiah. it’s strange for him to join the likes of Nash and Emma and Jan and Fieke and Eliu and Joel and Nadia and everyone else. so much missing to be done amidst everything that fills my time. unsure of whether I’m where I’m meant to be, though I try to stay present and distracted where necessary. I bought sea monkeys the other day (thanks Cadi for inspiring this development). I’m trying. << x