before I need to

I wake to silence before I need to. early morning light touches everything and I turn to face the wall. the day can wait until the keys ring through my phone. when they do I ask for more time with one tap. everything is blurred and I can’t recall my dreams. I wonder who or what I saw and if I’m better off not knowing.

off the train I join the current into the belly of the station. the procession is somber and swift. in silence we all move as one: the same pace and purpose without a single word. every one of us is loved and loathed and wishes things were different. on the platform there are pigeons and tired and empty faces. in the bathroom mirror I am somewhere in between. 

at my desk I tend to tasks I don’t quite understand. the day is heavy heat without a glimpse of sun. the faithful coward is an empty page fit for filling in. he thinks about the end of days and his taxes funding genocide. he writes about himself instead.