rain sounds

some nights I don’t need to play rain sounds from my phone to clear my head of thoughts. tonight we have real rain running down my window. tonight I wear winter pyjamas that stretch down my limbs. warm like the matching sets Nonna would make for my brothers and I every year. I called her on the weekend to say that I loved her. she said the same in response, though she thought I was my cousin.

I spend most of the day bound to my desk. my wrists are cuffed to the keyboard. sometimes I take the minutes for the meetings and I feel useful. tomorrow I wake early and make myself presentable for the office. the sun will be down by time I return - we watch it slip behind the horizon from our window on the second floor of our office building in the evening. maybe I will join friends at the pub for trivia. maybe I stay home and ruminate on the catastrophe of witnessing the landslide with no power to control an ounce of anything beyond my intake of oxygen and other substances.

the rain is peaceful. I dream of endless night and forgetting myself. I play on my phone too late. <<