a lot of time

I’ve been home for pretty much the same amount of time that I was away. I find this difficult to get my head around. some mornings I wake up from dreams in which I’m living and breathing my time in Lewes. other days it feels as though the whole experience could have just been a dream orsomething I imagined on a rainy day.

we’re all in lockdown as the world has frozen and it gives me a lot of time to think. instead of finding clarity and coming to terms with reality I find this excess of time as only weaving myself deeper webs of thought and nostalgia for a time and place we all knew was limited, and has long since expired.

I miss the people and the place and the life over there. I long for it all, and so much of my time is spent wishing I’d wake up in that crumby room for another day in the rain, study in Carafe or the kitchen, a stop by Lansdown, and tea time with the flimsy family that was in room 53. ‘to be alive is to be missing’. << x